From a stranger to a friend and back to a stranger.

I was never a social person - I wouldn't say that I like being by myself but at the same time, I'm not afraid of being alone.

From elementary to high school, I underwent the transition by myself.

I was a really quiet child. I had a few close friends in elementary but unfortunately, we went our separate ways when I was sent to a different secondary school. Looking back, I remember trying to keep in contact for the first months of grade 9 but, well, time took its toll. As we became busier with school, as we met new people, it just became harder and harder to pick up the phone and ask the simple question:

"How have you been?"

Soon, we went from being friends to strangers.

From high school to university, the transition was better.

There were two other girls from my year who had enrolled in my program at university. During first year, we were quite close but of course, we met other people in our classes and built our separate group of friends. One of them got accepted into a professional program after first year and since then, attempts to keep in contact was...how to put this...not very successful? I also happened to be close friends with her sister from high school but she had gone to another country for university. I had folded 99 stars to wish her farewell and I remember crying on our last get-together. Initially, we had both put in the effort to maintain our friendship but as the months passed by, we grew more and more distant. Eventually, I would wonder about how she is doing but I would no longer know how to message her.

I can say that I have experienced my fair share of friendships that had faded into memories- mere watermarks that barely reflect the vibrant colors of their prime.

Ever since university had ended, I began to reflect about the people around me. Who will stay with me as the years go by? Especially since school is now over, attempts to meet up would be deliberate - maintaining a friendship would actually require effort. Who would be willing to expend the effort on me and who would I be willing to use my effort on?

They say that as we age, our circle of friends shrinks. Is this the reason why?

I guess this is also a good lesson learnt: Only spend your time on people who would reciprocate their time. Otherwise, it would only end in hurt and disappointment.

I suppose that the flip side of holding onto any relationship is letting it go. However, it is just as important to realize the people who you can depend on - the people who you shouldn't let go.

Every time I hear that so-and-so has known each other for this many years, I get a little envious.

It must be nice to have someone who knows you so well - nothing to hide; nothing to hold back; nothing to fear.

Only everything to share.

To whoever who might be reading this - hold on and treasure your friends. It takes so much to find others who you truly connect with. Don't let them become strangers.

Cheers,
Joyce