From a stranger to a friend and back to a stranger.

I was never a social person - I wouldn't say that I like being by myself but at the same time, I'm not afraid of being alone.

From elementary to high school, I underwent the transition by myself.

I was a really quiet child. I had a few close friends in elementary but unfortunately, we went our separate ways when I was sent to a different secondary school. Looking back, I remember trying to keep in contact for the first months of grade 9 but, well, time took its toll. As we became busier with school, as we met new people, it just became harder and harder to pick up the phone and ask the simple question:

"How have you been?"

Soon, we went from being friends to strangers.

From high school to university, the transition was better.

There were two other girls from my year who had enrolled in my program at university. During first year, we were quite close but of course, we met other people in our classes and built our separate group of friends. One of them got accepted into a professional program after first year and since then, attempts to keep in contact was...how to put this...not very successful? I also happened to be close friends with her sister from high school but she had gone to another country for university. I had folded 99 stars to wish her farewell and I remember crying on our last get-together. Initially, we had both put in the effort to maintain our friendship but as the months passed by, we grew more and more distant. Eventually, I would wonder about how she is doing but I would no longer know how to message her.

I can say that I have experienced my fair share of friendships that had faded into memories- mere watermarks that barely reflect the vibrant colors of their prime.

Ever since university had ended, I began to reflect about the people around me. Who will stay with me as the years go by? Especially since school is now over, attempts to meet up would be deliberate - maintaining a friendship would actually require effort. Who would be willing to expend the effort on me and who would I be willing to use my effort on?

They say that as we age, our circle of friends shrinks. Is this the reason why?

I guess this is also a good lesson learnt: Only spend your time on people who would reciprocate their time. Otherwise, it would only end in hurt and disappointment.

I suppose that the flip side of holding onto any relationship is letting it go. However, it is just as important to realize the people who you can depend on - the people who you shouldn't let go.

Every time I hear that so-and-so has known each other for this many years, I get a little envious.

It must be nice to have someone who knows you so well - nothing to hide; nothing to hold back; nothing to fear.

Only everything to share.

To whoever who might be reading this - hold on and treasure your friends. It takes so much to find others who you truly connect with. Don't let them become strangers.

Cheers,
Joyce

The Immortal Creature

So, as I am studying for my second last exam, I reached an epiphany. I realized that I had come face to face with an immortal creature for at least 4 days/week for the last 4 years. I have even discovered (through wikipedia) the year that it was first conceived - 1827. This thing is 186 years old and it's not about to go anywhere.

Friends, beware. This creature is a dangerous.

It raises a bunch of lab rats and keeps a handful of cadavers on its grounds to bait innocent 17 year old humans with them. Quite sadly, once victims have fallen prey, they are tortured with long nights of insomnia, elevated cortisol levels and perhaps even recurrent slaps of depression.

Yes, unfortunately, I am speaking from experience.

Yes, even more unfortunately, it is immortal, and I can prove it. This creature displays pictures of itself from 1876. Walk through MS, the proof is all there.

(PS. Sorry you had to read all that. Yes, U of T is driving me crazy and I am losing my composure. But I guess that's what I get for falling prey?)

A 5 Am Poem

Dreams and reality may not align,

goals in life are just not met.

Reflections are tainted in shades of blue,

eyes are obscured by a haze.

Present and future may seem too bleak,

incompetency stabs the fragile heart.

Tears may trickle behind the mask,

emotions choked back until they burst.

-But-

Sadness and distraught will reach its peak,

despair would be no more.

Turns in events will have to occur,

abysses do have an end.

Hopes and aspirations may yet be reached,

but life will carry on.

Acceptance precedes the recollection,

recollection precedes new hope.

Strength and passion will resurface,

light will pierce the dark.

Things may not happen as expected,

but life's not worth living if they did.

Twists and turns lead to new terrains,

achievements beyond your dreams.

Dignity and fulfillment will be attained,

detours won't define your worth.

Goals are certainly set to be reached,

but please don't fret if detours are made.

Struggles and failures will become memories -

wisdom that grows with time.

At 5 am, I simply could not sleep. I hadn't drank coffee for a while and a small cup from the afternoon had kept me awake through the night; perhaps I should drink my coffee in the morning now? Anyways, I don't usually write poems, nor do I read poems. Most of this just came to me at 5 am when I couldn't sleep. Haha...what an odd night. I thought I would share this because I know a few people around me are going through some rough times. Hopefully this can be a source of encouragement!

PS. It's not titled A 5 am Poem because I wrote it at 5 am. Care to hazard a guess?